This was the moment 2 years 3 months and 25 days since I had left Koh Phangan from this same beach, that the sand kissed and the water bathed my feet again for the first time.
This jungle covered crystal rock had been my base and my spiritual home for more than ten years.
A few weeks prior to leaving, the in turns peculiar, baffling, bamboozling, enraging, heartbreaking, grief engulfing, and horrifying series of events that would unravel my life as I’d known it began their work.
Forces came from within and without. It was in parts an involuntary spiral and in parts a conscious decision to enter into the pupal stage of metamorphosis. At times I resisted fiercely, but deep down I knew the only way out was through. The falling, fully feeling way towards rebirth and rebuilding of myself into who I am now.
Stronger. Surer. Clearer. Softer.
Yin & Yang. Masculine & Feminine. Fall & Rise.
I experienced bullying, loss, disorientation and grief and I bore witness to a traumatic death. I became my own case study in my understanding of trauma and what it means to have a mental health crisis.
And I survived it all with surrender, love, support, connection and the belief of others when I clean forgot how to believe in myself.
Now, there is nothing to fear. I went there. I crumbled. I lay at the feet of Kali and surrendered my sanity. I chanted and prayed. I felt the fullness of my pain. I offered everything in my broken state.
Then I got back up.
I built a new life.
I returned to where this particular metamorphosis had taken hold.
I slayed another demon. I confirmed 2 more Yoga Teacher Trainings in this little corner of the world where my own journey as a Yoga Teacher began more than 12 years ago.
And the sand kissed and the water bathed my feet again.